The other day, I questioned if motherhood was for me. I literally stood there, helpless, crying like a baby and wondering if I was cut out for it. I mean, this s**t is hard! And how do you know if you are doing it right? It's not like you get feedback or anything.
Let me take you back to the day when it all got, well, it all got a little too much! It was a Friday, my day off from work. The day I spend quality time with my son. Just me and him , kicking it and doing mummy and son stuff! But this Friday was different. It just wasn't fun. In fact, to say I hated it would be much more accurate. It's like he woke up and decided he was gonna be a highly annoying, clingy, crying mess for the day. And I mean, the whole day. Thing is, nothing was different, except his attitude. It was off, way off! I fed him, bathed him, we read, we played, we ate, we indulged in a good amount of Mr Tumble and Twirly Woo's (enough to make any grown up feel like they're losing the plot to be fair), but it still wasn't good enough. He just was not happy. And if I even tried to move more than a meter away from him, he screamed at me at the top of his rather loud voice. Talk about bossy! The day dragged like a b**ch and my partner literally couldn't get home fast enough.
To this day, I still don't know what caused that random full day of melt downs. But I will tell you what, I do know that it was enough to make anyone feel as though sanity was slipping away, slowly but surely. I just decided to put that day firmly behind us and move forward.
I'm the type of girl who has always striven to be great at what I do, not good, but great. Mediocre never really was me. I blame it on my competitiveness. To call Motherhood an adjustment is a rather huge understatement. It's more of a 'life changing, it's not about you anymore, be prepared to deal with a demanding (albeit cute) little person screaming at you, just because' thing. So, to become a Mother and have this little person to care for has been quite an adjustment- one that I am still making now, 18 months later.
If you are a parent and you sometimes wonder whether you are good enough or if parenthood is for you- take it from me, you are doing great! It's not an easy job at all. Being a parent comes with no manual and other people's advice and well wishes is a great help, until it's not. *Rolls eyes* So keep doing you and so long as your little one is happy, healthy, safe and loved, you are doing a superb job!